Op: WASTED
by Skater-grl
Summary: Kuki gets a eating disorder,will she save herself?Or will she be knocking on deaths door?But everyone else gets problems of there own,so who will help her?34
1. The eating disorder begins

W.A.S.T.E.D. 

Wasting

Away

Slowly

To

Encourage

Death

The story's about Kuki and she starts to think that she's fat...well here goes nothing.

Numbuh 3s POV

I love my life. I'd wake up, put on my robe, step out onto the deck and look at the sky. Still dark just beginning to get

purple, breath coming in the thick clouds. I could hear the crunch of my feet on the snow, the scratch of a fox's paws as it scooted in the shadow over the frozen pond. I would get dressed, go up stairs, sit down by my friends and eat breakfast. I would look up and watch my friends eat one bite, then another.....then another....I looked to my side and seen a small blonde boy. He ate very fast and a lot but never seemed to gain anything...I looked down at my food and started to eat. One day I was in my room. My mother got me this dress. It was so pretty....I put it on and looked in the mirror, looking at each side of myself...left...right...forward...back...well as much as I could see of the back side. I smiled, and then frowned, then did a little laugh, then just sat there and looked at myself. I turned around and ran upstairs to go show everyone how I looked! I walked in the main room to see Numbuh 4 and Numbuh 2 playing a video game saying things like, 'That's not fair!' or, 'ha your going down loser!' I said: 'Hey guys! Look at the new dress my Mom got for me!' They turned around and said how I looked good and things like that. Smiling I would skip off to Numbuh 5s room. I walk through her door and asked her how I looked. She looked up from the book and smiled. "Wow Numbuh 3, you look good." Then went back to her book. I looked around her room for a sec then spotted something. I walked over to her little desk table by her bed and picked up a magazine that said on the front cover 'Teens magazine!' in very big pink letters. I giggled at the fact how much Numbuh 4 would hate too see this thing. Then at the bottom it would say something like, 'How too look the best!' Now I was wondering why Numbuh 5 would have a Teens magazine in the first place but when I saw the words that said, 'How to look the best!' I just had to take it. I turned around and started out the door then real fast I would say, 'Bye Numbuh 5!' she wouldn't even look up from her book. She just said 'See ya, Numbuh 3.' Now I was feeling really bad for taking this from Numbuh 5's room but I swear I was going to give it back after I read some of it.

I ran into my room, jumped on my bed and opened the magazine to a random page. It was talking about nice long hair....then

I turned it to another page. It was talking about makeup...I was about to put down the magazine till I turned one more page

and seen this beautiful women. I looked at the top of the page and it said in light blue letters, "How to look thin!" now I

never would have thought as myself being 'fat' but when I saw this older person...I just flipped! I looked to the side and

seen myself in my mirror. I got up; walked over to it and looked at my face, round....then my belly....round....I pulled up

my dress...big old fat legs! I started to cry, I kept saying in my head 'Kuki your** fat**! Look at you!' Then looked up and

seen big puffy red eyes. What am I going to do...? I didn't go to lunch. Numbuh 1 asked me if I was feeling okay, I said yes

I'm just fine. Then Numbuh 4 asked me if he would like it if he would bring the food to me. I said no. I went to

dinner...ate my food...not as much as I would like too. After that, I went to lie down on my bed. Then out of nowhere, you

will get up, go to the bathroom, carefully slide your fingers inside your mouth and down your throat, and puke until you see

orange. The Doritos. You ate them first. Then the white from the sandwich you had. You'd straighten, flush. You turn the

water on, put your hands under it, and scrub with soap. You look at your face, eyes just a little watery, but not red or

bulging. Put a sugar-free mint in your mouth, and smile at the mirror, eyes bright and wide. Open the door; go back into

your room. Smiling at yourself, thinking _'thin'_..........

Well that's the first chap! R/R plz! Oh and sorry it's not that long...


	2. The KNDs xmas!

Hey. I'm back again, and most of the story is going to be from Kuki's POV, _but_ not all of it. 

-Week Later-  
December 25, 2004

Numbuh 3s POV

It's been a week now that I have been throwing up my food. I only do it one time a day so what's the big deal anyway? Well anyway when I woke up there was this really pretty white stuff outside. Then I just remembered it was Christmas! I jumped out of my bed and started to run up the stairs. I went to Numbuh 4's door and started to knock on it really loud "WALLY! WAKE UP! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!" I started to jump up and down feeling my hair fly up and down. Then finally his door opened. "Numbuh 3...do you even know what time it is...?" I grabbed him by his arm. "Don't be silly, silly!" For some reason when I was always around him I felt like smiling, well unless he was being mean to me or something...I dragged him to the main room and we both gasped at all the gifts that were under the tree. "YAY! Look Numbuh 4!" I ran over to the tree and looked at all the things. "Ooo look! This one's from Numbuh 5 and 1 to you Numbuh 4!" He walked over to me and took the gift from my hands and looked at it, I could see him starting to smile. But then he looked at me. "But uh...Numbuh 3 don't ya think we should go wake the others..?" I thought for a sec. "Um I'm not sure Numbuh 4...I'm guessing they were up all last night putting these under here...we put ours under the tree early. So what do you think?" I could see how Numbuh 4 was trying to think what was best. See, the other night me and Wally put our things under the tree before the others because he said he would take me to a Christmas carnival...I could feel myself smiling just thinking about the nig-"Eh...ah think we should let them sleep. Hey, wanna goget some hot chocolate?" "You bet!" I jumped up and we both ran to the kitchen. I watched Numbuh 4 make the hot chocolate, but just remembered what was in it. I bit my bottom lip, I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying no all of the sudden, but I was not in the mood to throw up all my guts just because of some hot chocolate....what to do, what to do well it**_is_** Christmas...I guess I could have it..."Okay Kuki, its done now" He handed me my cup. I could feel the warmth of the hot cocoa, and I could see the steam coming up from the cup. We both sat down at the table. "Oh watch out Numbuh 3...might be kinda hot..." I smiled at him and then looked out the window. "Wow. Snow's pretty huh?" He turned around and shrugged "Ah guess so...it's just snow ah mean, it falls from the sky and it's really cold...yeah really pretty..." I crossed my arms "I know that, but I mean what it looks like...I mean it's pretty it looks like clouds." I could feel a sigh escape from my mouth. "Yeah whatevuh..." I watched him turn back around and take a drink of his coco. Then just remembered I had my hot cocoa to drink. I picked up the warm cup and took it to my mouth. 'Come on Numbuh 3...you can drink it...its just hot chocolate...' I could feel the nice hot liquid hit my tongue, and then go down my throat. I put the cup down and smiled at Numbuh 4 who was watching me take the longest drink in the world...I felt kinda stupid but hey, I think I did good! I took my pink sleeve of my Pjs and wiped my mouth. "This is good Numbuh 4." He blinked "Uh thanks Numbuh 3...but ya know its just hot cocoa...you don't have to take your time drinking it or anything.." I knew it...now he thinks I'm stupid..."Oh aheh...yeah I know but uh...I just don't want this day to end...so I'm taking it kinda slow..." I lied...well is it a lie if you really don't want the day to end? That you wanna spend the rest of your life with this person, on a snowy day, drinking cocoa? But then again, that's not the reason I was drinking the stuff slow in the first pl-"Oh, okay then Numbuh 3..." I woke up from my thoughts and looked up. Then just remembered we should wake the others..."Hey Numbuh 4, think we should go wake the others now?" "Uh...yeah that sounds good ta muh." We both got up and started to go down the stairs. Then on the way down I remembered something.

-flashback-

One night when my father was cooking dinner, I lean against the couch and announced I'm not hungry. I'm on a diet. My father laughs. I walk into kitchen and jump on my chair right by my little sister. Feet dangling from my chair at the table. I stare at the food, push it around, glance surreptitiously at my mother's plate, her nervous little bites, the way she leans back in her in her chair, setting down her fork to gesture rapidly with her hand as she speaks. My father, bent over his plate, eating huge bites. My mother shoves her dinner away precisely half eaten. My father tells her she wastes food, that he hates the way she always wastes food. My mother snaps defensively. I'm full,_dear_. Glares. I push my plate away, say loudly. I'm full. And all eyes on me. Come on, piglet, says my mother. A few more bites. Two more, she says. Three says my father. They glare at each other. I eat a pea.

-End of flashback-

-Two hours later-

"Hey! Stop throwing that stuff at muh, Numbuh 2!" I could hear Numbuh 4 yelling from the other side other room, boy, did he have a temper... "Okay ya two, stop throwing stuff. It's getting kinda hard ta watch the movie." Numbuh 5 said, I was sitting next to her. "Ooo! Numbuh 5 can we please open the presents now? Huh? Can we? Please!?" I jumped up and down. I could hear Numbuh 5 sigh. "Yeah I guess Numbuh 3, come on." Numbuh 4 jumped over the couch in his orange hoodie. "Alright! Now this is what ah call Christmas!" Numbuh 2 ran around the couch. "Hey guys! Wait for me!" Numbuh 1 went over by where Numbuh 5 was. I jumped off the couch and squeezed in by Numbuh 4."What I get, What I get??" I said. Numbuh 4 pick up a present and handed it to me. "This ones from Numbuh 2..." I grabbed it and looked over and Numbuh 2 who smiled and went right back to finding one of his own. I opened it, I gasped. "A CHRISTMAS RAINBOW MONKEY! AHH! AND IT COMES WITH KISSING NOISES!" Everyone looked at me and smiled and laughed a little. "Thanks Numbuh 2!" "No problem Numbuh 3." I got three more Rainbow Monkeys, the new rainbow monkey movie that we went to see that one time when Numbuh 4 said he wanted to go see a better movie. I also I got a new blanket. It was warm and fuzzy. Numbuh 5 got this really cool lava lamp that was blue and purple, a new book, this really cool poster that had a panther on it, and a new CD. Numbuh 2 got this plane that flies around and shoots M&Ms at you....2 other planes, and some candy. Numbuh 1 got this really BIG Pillow, it is red and black, and very soft. A new comp that has new things added to it, and some bath salts. Numbuh 4 got some new boxers, from his mom and dad. They made him bring the gift over here. His face went so red! But I think there cool looking...one pair is Black, then one is blue and black with flames, and then a pair of blue plaid ones. He also a new pair of jeans, a new CD also, I seen this one...it said Greenday International Superhits. Then he got a new punching bag....cuz he hit his last one too hard and broke it..."Hey Numbuh 3..ah forgot to give ya my gift....." I blinked and then smiled "Yup! Ya sure did, silly." He hand me a small box that was wrapped in really pretty paper! It was a really dark purple and had Blue snow flakes one it. I opened it and I could feel my heart fly up. It was a really beautiful necklace...the color was light blue...and it was a rose. "Numbuh 4...I love it!" "Yeah...? It's made of glass...my mom helped me pick it out..." he shrugged. I took it out of the box and looked at the sliver chain, how it shined...I looked up at him. "Can you help me put it on Numbuh 4?" He hesitated for a second, then said, "Sure" I moved my long black hair out of the way and handed him the necklace. He took it, making sure it not to brake it, and then put it around my neck and hooked the little thing in the back. "Okay, there. Done." I turned around and hugged him so hard I could feel his heart beat through his Hoodie. "Thank you sooo much!!" "Aheh no problem Numbuh 3...now could ya let muh go before ah die ovuh 'ere....?" I opened my eyes and let him go, smiling. "Oops sorry there, Numbuh 4." He just kinda laughed. "Ah, don't worry bout it Numbuh 3." "Yo! Guys wanna go play snow war? Everyone for them self!" Numbuh 5 said putting on her blue jacket and boots. "What do ya say Numbuh 3?" Numbuh 4 said hitting me soft with his arm. "Yeah sure! I'm gonna beat ya Numbuh 4!" "Yeah right, Numbuh 3! I would like to see ya try!" he said. I took my dark green hoodie and threw it over my head. Numbuh 4 didn't have to put anything on. We both ran out the to see numbuhs 1, 2, and 5 with snow balls in their hands. We froze. "Merry Christmas!" Numbuh 1 yelled as everyone threw the snow balls at us. "AHHH! Ah thought you said everyone for themself!" Numbuh 4 said jump out of the way. I jumped the other way then he did. "We're just messing with ya guys" Numbuh 5 said laughing. "Ha, well that was a good one. Could of fooled ME!" Numbuh 4 said and he threw the snow ball at her head when she was looking at me. "HEY! Numbuh 5s gonna bring you down Numbuh 4!" She said getting a new snow ball and running after him. Later on we were all freezing. Numbuh 4 was the coldest, cuz Numbuh 5 pushed him into a small pond, and thats when the game ended..."W-why did ya have to g-go and do that Numbuh 5??" Numbuh 4 said shaking in my new blanket and let him use. "Hey! Numbuh 5 didn't mean ta..." "Uh-huh! R-right!" Numbuh 5 sighed. "Really Numbuh 4...well sorry anyway...oh yeah and smart one...your under the mistletoe..." she said walking off. I could see Numbuh 4 how he stopped his whole body, he even stop shivering, and looked up..."AwCRUD Without thinking and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. My face and his face went red. But everyone just started to laugh. Well it was the rule...and I was the closet to him. Later on he fell asleep on the couch in the middle of a x-mas movie. He was all wrapped up in my blanket. I smiled and got up and turned up the heat. The others already went to bed before us. I thought I should just leave him there so he could have a good night sleep. I went down the stairs and to my room, got into my covers. Then that's when I thought about how much fun my day was....I love my life a lot now....I have friends that care about me, and I know how not to get fat...and that's some of the things you'll think about before life gets really bad...

Well thats chap 2, hey its longer right? Well anyway **R/R** plz, and thank you.


	3. To bad to worse

-**Two weeks later**- 

"Hey, Numbuh 3!" I could hear Numbuh 4 yell. "What??" I yelled back. I know we were gonna get someone mad at us for yelling at each other. "Come 'ere!" ugh… I slammed down my books and walked out of my room, kinda mad. I went up the stairs and walked into his room. "What!?" He sat there for a second. I know he was thinking, 'what the heck is her problem???' but he didn't say anything rude... "um ah was wondering, do you know where Numbuh 1 went..?" I crossed my arms. Was this all? He made me stop reading cuz of this stupid question!? "No." I said sternly. He blinked "Um okay then…thanks Numbuh 3." I walked out and slammed his door. 'Thanks Numbuh 3' Puh who does he think he is anyway!? Grr...I just wan-wait! What was I thinking??? He is my friend! I should stop thinking bad things about him. I knew I should go back and say I'm sorry for being mean and slamming his door, but I didn't. I just went back down to my room and pick my book back up and started to read, read, read, and read. Wow I never would have known reading could be this much fun! I could feel myself smiling. But I put the book down and fell backwards on my bed. I grabbed my bed time rainbow monkey and hugged it close. Then I closed my eyes, again remembering something of my past...

-Flashback-

Five years old. Gina and I are standing in my parents' kitchen, heads level with the countertops, searching for something to eat. Gina says, You guys don't have normal food. I say apologetically, I know. My parents and weird about food. She asks, Do you have any chips? No. Cookies? No. We stand together, staring into the refrigerator. I announce, We have peanut butter. She pulls it out, sticks a grimy finger into it, licks it off. It's weird, she says. I know, I say. It's unsalted. She makes a face, says, Ick. I agree. We stare into the abyss of food that falls into two categories: Healthy Things and Things We Are To Short To Cook-eggs, bread, nasty peanut butter, alfalfa sprouts, cucumbers, a six-pack of Diet Lipton Iced Tea in blue cans with little yellow lemon above the Tea. Tab in pink can. I offer, We could have toast. She peers at the bread and declares, It's brown. We put the bread back. I say, inspired, We have cereal! We go to the cupboard, the one by the floor. We stare at the information, run my finger down the side and authoritatively note, It only has five grams of sugar in it. I stick my chin up and brag, We don't even eat that. I wouldn't eat anything with more then _two_ grams of sugar. I say, Me neither, put the cereal back, as if it's contaminated. I bounce up from the floor, stick my tongue out at Gina. 'I'm' on a _diet,_ I say. Me too, she says, face screwing up in a scowl. Nuh-uh, I say. Uh-huh, she retorts. I turn my back and say, Well, I wasn't hungry _anyway_. Me neither, she says. I go to the fridge, make a show of taking out Diet Lipton Iced Tea with Little Yellow Lemon, pop it open, sip loudly,_ tttthhhpppttt_. It tastes like sawdust, dries out my mouth. See? I say, pointing to the _Diet_, I'm gonna be as thin as my mommy when I grow up.  
I think Gina's mommy, who I know for a _fact_ buys sugar cereal. I know this because every time I sleep over there we have Froot Loops for breakfast, the artificial colors turning the milk red. Gina and I suck it up with straws, seeing who can be louder.  
Your mom, I say out of pure spite, is _fat_.  
Gina says, At least my mom knows how to_ cook_.  
At least my mom has a _job_, I shout.  
At least my mom is _nice_, she sneers.  
I glare at her then march away.

-End of flashback-

I sigh and put my rainbow monkey down, grab my pillow and put it over my face. I hate my past...it's stupid...can't we just put the past behind us and stop thinking of it??? "Hey the Numbuh 3, its time fo' lunch!" I heard Numbuh 5 yell. Eh…lunch…just the word made me kinda sick. "Okay!....Be right there.." I said. I got off my bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I frowned. Still not skinny...I walked out of my room and went up the stairs...again. And what I'll have to keep doing so on in my life…When I walked into the main room I saw pizza. Geez did these people ever eat real food???? "Come on Numbuh 3" Numbuh 4 said. "Have some pizza." I looked at the pizza for a minute, then shook my head no. He just stared at me, like what's my problem? "Why not..?" "Cuz, its fat-er...um I'm not in the mood for it right now..." I said and then turned to the fridge and started to look for grapes. "You're not in the mood...?" my leader said. Ugh this is starting to really tick me off..."YES! I'm not in the mood! Okay?! Geez!" I shouted, grabbed the grapes, shut the fridge door and started to walk out of the kitchen. "Hey! Where ya goin??" Numbuh 5 said. "To my room, so I can eat alone with out people staring at me and bugging me about what I'm in the 'mood' for!" When I got to my room I jumped down on my bed and started at my grapes. Every one very sweet, some what made me want to put them back, but they were waaay better the pizza...

For some reason I didn't want to tell my friends about the way I wanted to eat now, or the fact I have been throwing up one time a day. I don't do it after every meal, so that should be good right..? But just thinking of my telling them of what I have been doing...I think they would freak and say I'm weird or something. I pick at one grape. I mean, they don't know what its like to be me, they think they know everything about me...I wonder how many people out there think they know everything about their friends...but I would HATE to lose one of my friends from death...my mother always told me that 'death' is a part of life...you have to deal with it, it happens, and it WILL happen...I never want my friends to leave me, EVER! I care about them a lot, and I always will. I wonder if they care about me the same way...I know Numbuh 4 doesn't...I don't even think he likes me that much...he just needs me for him to know things I think...like, the time, help with his homework or school work...

I put my plate in the trash, laid down on my bed, and then went under the covers. It's getting colder and colder everyday. I hate being cold. I crawl up in a ball. And start thinking more about my past...about how I would eat normal...I shake that thought out of my head, normal is nothing...thin is everything…

Later that night I skip dinner, saying I don't 'feel' well. I watch TV for a short, and I mean short, time with the others then I say I'm going to bed. I walk past Numbuh 4's door, like I do every time I want to go in and out my room. I go down the stairs thinking about exercise. Stairs are good for ya...I say to myself. I jump the last 2 steps, Numbuh 4 can jump 5 steps...and go into my room, read for a short time and then lay down, turn off my light and go to sleep.


	4. Fallen angel

Hello again, im back" Well heres Chap 4. The Song thats playing(or the lyrics)in the story is called _Whisper_ By Evanescence. 

_-Two months later-_

_**Catch me as I fall Say you're here and it's all over now Speaking to the atmosphere No one's here and I fall into myself This truth drives me Into madness I know I can stop the pain If I will it all away.  
(If I will it all away…)**_

My throwing up problem was getting worse, it went to throwing up once a day to two times a day too, after every meal. Sometimes I would throw up till a saw blood, then feel happier about myself, say to myself _"Good girl"_ or _"Good work!"_ Or sometimes during my meals I didn't eat at all...I would cut my food up into small little pieces, then after all the time I was cutting it up, I would put my fork down and announce "I'm not hungry anymore." And then others would say I didn't even eat anything. I would shake my head like 'whatever…' Thinking you could never, ever understand. See I was even in ballet class, where I loved to dance, and they would see your weight. Before I started throwing up, they would say if I lost about 2 pounds, it would be better, then yell **NEXT**! to the person behind me. I loved to dance. It was something to get my mind off everything.

_**Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)**_

**_I'm frightened by what I see But somehow I know That there's much more to come Immobilized by my fear And soon to be Blinded by tears I can stop the pain If I will it all away (If I will it all away)_**

When I woke up this morning we had a mission, it was this big lizard like thing that was trying to eat all of the kids toys and stuff. Weird...Numbuh 2 threw something at it. I could hear Numbuh 2 yell, "Now what's going on?!?" looking through the smoke that Numbuh 2 caused when he threw something at the lizard. I think it was a bomb. I could hear Numbuh 4 say, "I think you pissed it off..." Then out of no where, the big lizard's tail hit Numbuh 2. A scream escaped from my throat. I started to run for my life. I jumped behind a rock and watch everything from there. The smoke cluttered the air. It was getting harder to breathe, every time I would try and take some air in my small lungs, it would sting my throat and lungs so bad I had to cough. It was like being in space with nothing to breathe, so there for you would die, up there in the cold dark atmosphere. Numbuh 1 saved us all. He had a backup plan, it was a big machine with this purple shiny paint. Numbuh 1 commanded it to fire. I made a little sound and ducked. I put my arms over my head. Then heard a big boom. Gross green stuff went all over the place. I got a little in my hair. _YUCK_! This was so gross...I got out of my hiding spot and seen all the others in alot of green stuff. I just started to giggle. "Who are YOU laughing at, Numbuh 3????" Numbuh 4 said to me with his arms out trying not to get more into a mess. I pointed at him. "_YOU_!SILLY!" I laughed. But all of the sudden I had a gross tasted in my mouth...really gross. I gagged. And spit something out. It was all green looking. EW! THAT WAS IN MY MOUTH?! I heard laughing. I looked up from the yucky green stuff to Numbuh 4. He was laughing harder then I have ever seen him laugh. But I was as mad as an angry hornet. I picked up some green stuff, getting ready to attack my 'victim', like a hornet would and threw it right back at Numbuh 4, hitting him in the face also. We were all having fun throwing the gross green stuff till Numbuh 1 told us it was time to go back to the treehouse. I was kinda sad, but also really tired.

_**Fallen angels at my feet Whispered voices at my ear Death before my eyes Lying next to me I fear She beckons me Shall I give in Upon my end shall I begin Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end**_

Later that night, I was cutting up my food, in small pieces again. I didn't notice Numbuh 4 watching me till he spoke up. "Numbuh 3, what the in the crud are you doing????" I stopped and looked over at him. He was leaning over to see my plate. His food was half way eaten, but I knew he was still going to eat more of it. I looked at my plate. "I'm cutting my food up...what's wrong with that???" "What's wrong with it??? It's weird! That's what's wrong with it! Your starting to get weird about food!" Weird? Starting to get weird about food?? IT TOOK HIM THAT LONG TO SEE THAT!!!???"**SO?!**" I yelled. "Is there a problem, the way I cut up my food? Huh?? I just don't like it in big pieces okay???" I said glaring at him. "Well ah don't care! Ah would like to see you eat, ya know! You're getting thinner and thinner!" He yelled at me. Inside I was smiling when he said I was getting thinner. "**IM ON A DIET! I HAVE TO BE FOR MY BALLET CLASS**!" It was 'till then I remember our friends were still at the table when Numbuh 5 spoke up "Numbuh 5 thinks you guys should SHUT UP! Now it has been weird about the way you have been eatin' Numbuh 3. We just wanna make sure your okay." She said pointing her fork at me. I picked up my plate and stood up. "Well I'm fine. Okay??" I stood up and started to walk to my room but Numbuh 4 stopped me. "Now where ya goin????" "I'm going to my room, if you don't mind!" I yelled and ran out of the room. When were they going to leave me along about this??

_**Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)**_

**_I'm frightened by what I see But somehow I know That there's much more to come Immobilized by my fear And soon to be Blinded by tears I can stop the pain If I will it all away_**

When I got to my room, I went into my bathroom, and ran the water over my plate. I watched all my food go down the drain. I stopped the water and just left my plate there. I sat on my bed and watch out the window. The snow was looking a light kinda blue in the night. Slowly falling to the ground, or the branches. When it hit the window it would melt into a little drop of cold water. I thought of myself as being a snow flake. This is what will happen: You'll be in the air, flying around happy, not noticing your falling, maybe cuz you're not yet. You will see this beautiful city under you, the light looks like they're shining like angles at a dinner, you fly over the city, and before you know it, your out in the middle of no where. You can still see the angles at dinner (the city) in the distance. But a big wind hits you, you go spinning, your world is spinning, everything is a blur now. Then you finally stop. There is no more wind to hold you up anymore. You can't fly...You start to fall. You try to scream but you can't because you're only a little snow flake. You're falling to your death like a falling angel. Then you hit the ice cold ground. When you hit the ground, it's like a million ice cold knifes hitting your back. You open your eyes and see you're part of the rest of the fallen angels....No one will notice you now, because you look like everything else. You can cry as much as you want to, but no one will see you because you're nothing. Just a snow flake in its pain. Then you will see a bright light (the sun) the next day. You will start to melt away, along with the others, like seeing your life flash before your eyes. And the next time there is a snow fall, there will just be another little white snow flake that will take your place, and fall in your place....

**_Fallen angels at my feet Whispered voices at my ear Death before my eyes Lying next to me I fear She beckons me Shall I give in Upon my end shall I begin Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end_**

I snapped out of my trance, still thinking about my snow flake story...where am I then? In the story? Am I still happy? Flying over the lights that look like heaven? Or am I flying away from it? Or could I be spinning? Where the wind just hits me...I know I can't be falling yet. And I'm not dead yet, right..? Where am I....Where's my place in this little story of mine? Maybe I don't know my place...But will I find out? I would have to…I shook my head. Stupid thoughts! I sigh and look out the window again, still thinking about my story I just made up...Wondering what it's like to be a snow flake. To be in the air, feeling like an angel, but all for nothing because your going to fall anyways...just like fallen angels...

_**Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)**_

**_Servatis a pereculum. Servatis a maleficum..._**

**_Servatis a pereculum. Servatis a maleficum...(fades)_**

Well there it is,**_R/R_** plz!


	5. A days work

Oh yea… I forgot to tell you, I was typing this story to maybe help some people who might have eating disorders, or showing people a POV of one. Ya know whut it might be like, and how much they have to suffer. Or even give you some signs to show you that your friend has one. Here are some signs I have showed you or going to show you: Mean (or meaner), not liking to eat around other people (being watched when eating), not eating at all(anorexic). Getting thinner (duh), Talking about weight all the time. Cutting food up in little pieces (anorexic), and going to the bathroom after every meal (bulimic), or being cold all the time. Eating only fat free foods, or low cal stuff. Getting dizzy, Fainting a lot, Coughing up blood(bulimic), Or may want to work out all the time. 

-March 24-

I found myself pushing around my food, I was getting a little better about food, I would eat one small meal and not throw it up. But all my other meals I would end throwing up. I looked up from my food and looked out the window. I could see new blades or grass coming through the almost melted snow. Little drops of water were falling from the trees branches, making the noise of falling water. I was happy winter was over, I was always super cold during the winter. The others would always get mad at me for turning up the heater. But they didn't understand how cold I was! It felt like someone would just put a thing of ice on my bones and leave it there, not willing to move it away, just slowly freezing my bones, till I might fall.

I got up from the table and walked over to the window, feeling the cool air coming in from the window crakes, and trying to get its way to my pale skin. I walked away from the window and put on my green and black hoodie that was meant for when it was cold. But it was cold so I could wear it if I wanted to right? I walked over to the heater and turned it up. I turned my head when I heard someone's footsteps on the hard wooden floor. "Sup Numbuh 3?" Numbuh 5 said walking to the kitchen table. "Uh nothing really.." I said while crossing my arms. Geez it was cold in here. "Hmm, so ya want to eat breakfast? I'll make ya somethin'?" I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out...I tried again. Nothing. I gave up and shut my mouth. "Numbuh 5's taken that as a yes." "B-but, I alre-" Numbuh 5 interrupted me as she walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed the carton of eggs. "Aw come on Numbuh 3, ya body needs it." She said as she start to cook the eggs after cracking the shells open. "No really, I'm fine, I just ate some fruit." I lied. Numbuh 5 shrugged. "I don't care, your gonna eat real food." I started to tap my foot against the wooden floor, making a soft tapping sound that only I could hear. "Numbuh 5...fruit is real fo-" "Your eating what I make ya got it?" This time it pissed me off when she cut me off. "Fine! I'll eat it after I get out of the bath okay?!?" I stormed out of the room before she could say anything else too me.

On the way down the hall I ran into a very sleepy Numbuh 4."Ugh, Numbuh 4 why don't you watch where your going?!" Numbuh 4 glared up at my through his blond hair. "Why don't YOU watch who your running into?!" He yelled at me and then pushed me aside making his way down the hall. At first it hurt when he talked back to me but I told myself to just blow him off. I rolled my eyes and went down the stairs, maybe a little too fast, cuz I got kinda dizzy when I was all the way down the stairs. I put my hand on the wooden railing. Closed my eyes trying to get my thoughts together. I opened my eyes and felt a little better. I walked down the hall and entered my colorful room of "Happiness." I walked into my bathroom and flicked on the light. Thinking about how the Darkness scatters for its life when the light turns on. I started my bath water, put the bath bubble stuff in.It makes you smell like berries. When it was a little more then half way full, I shut the water off. These days I was making my bath water alot warmer. Kinda like a hot tub. I took off my clothes and right before I was gonna go into the nice bath water, I saw myself in the mirror. I grabbed the skin that went over my ribs. Thinking about how my fat is just in that little pinch. Getting very upset with myself and grabbed the lipstick my mother would use before going to work.I took it from her a week ago without her knowing...And started to write on the mirror in anger. When I was done I looked at the words of red that went through my mind everyday. It said "Fat Pig" I slammed the lipstick down and turned away from the mirror. I would feel a tear going down my cheek. A tear of sorrow, and pain.

I put my foot in the nice hot water. Then hiding my whole body in the water and bubbles. Now lying down in the water I looked up at the ceiling. I filled my lungs up with air. Feeling myself floating to the top of the water, and hearing my heart beat in my ears. Then I let out all the air in my lungs and could feel myself sink to the bottom of the tub. I put my head under the water then put it back up. Then I grabbed the soap and started to clean my body. After that I cleaned my hair. Washed the stuff out and pulled the plug in the bath tub. Got out and went to grab a towel but remember that I had a necklace on, the one that Wally gave me for x-mas. I went to put my hand on it but didnt feel it there. I was trying to think of where it was. I stood there still dripping wet. But then I could feel my heart almost stop. The bath water....ITS IN THE BATH WATER. I turned my head around so fast I could feel a little pain in my neck, looking at the water draining. "NO!" I screamed and without thinking started to run back the tub. I slipped. I hit my side bone. I could feel the pain wash over me. It hurt like hell. I looked up at the bath tub and started to cry. "NO! DAMMIT! NO!" I screamed as I wept. I grabbed one of my Converses and threw it at the side of the bath tub. I Couldn't get up. My pain was way too much. My necklace was gone now. Down the pipes and probably in gross water. But then I could hear Numbuh 4 voice. "Numbuh 3! Are you okay????" The door started to open. I froze. He walked in, dressed in his hoodie, blue jeans and white shoes. "OH CRUD!" He yelped and stumbled out of the bathroom getting his foot caught and falling on the floor. I would have giggled at that but what he just was, and how fast it happened I was just in shock. He slammed the door and then said "S-sorry, I'm sorry, er, sorry ah didn't mean to wal-er. Are you okay????" I could hear him trying to spit the words out. I could feel my cheeks going red. Why did that have to happen to me?! "Uh..I-I d-don't know...I slipped and fell and my side hurts, I cant get up..." "Well try and get a towel so ah can come in and help you." I reached for the towel I was going to get before I realized my necklace was gone. I grabbed it, pulled it down and wrapped it around my body. "Okay, you come on in now." I said sounding a little pissed. He opened the door and walked in he got down on his knees and asked me where it hurt. I showed him. He slowly helped me up. I could feel the pain all along my leg. But I acted like it didn't hurt that much.

He walked me to my bed. And then went into the bathroom and got my clothed and handed them to me. I took them. "Numbuh 4, the reason I was yelling was because I lost the necklace you got me. I said feeling tears trying to make there way up. "You lost it...? Uh, how?" I set the clothes down and realized I was cold again. "It must have feel off in the bath water, when I was washing my hair.." "Oh..." He said kinda sad. I looked up at him. "I'm sorry really I am...I didn't mean to..." "Oh its okay Numbuh 3....maybe we will get you another one some other time okay..?" I smiled. "Okay. Well um can you leave now so I can get dressed..?" He started for the door. "Oh yeah, see ya Numbuh 3. Oh and just yell…when your hip hurts to much to get up k?" I nodded. "Sure thing." "Well bye." He waved and left my room. When I got up, it did hurt like hell but I thought I should just tough it out, I threw on my clothes and went into the bathroom to brush my hair, but it was so weird...I barely pulled on my hair and the hair I had in my hand fell out. Grossed out I put it in the trash can and started to brush my hair, but all this hair was in the brush. Was my hair falling out?! I shook my head and said it's only a little. After I brush my hair, and threw all my hair loss away and crawled into my covers and put my head down. Mumbling, "Falling snow flake in the winter...falling rain drop in the spring and summer, and falling leaf in the fall..."

Later that night I was called into the main room. I came in and sat by Numbuhs 4 and 5. Are leader looked at me." Numbuh 3...we all wanted to talked about something Numbuh 4 saw in your bathroom today.." I kept my smile on my face and started to wonder whut 4 saw...oh crap, what if he saw how fat I was?? Or, or what if he saw my mirror?! So I thought I should just play stupid.."And what would that be?"

Cliff Hanger. Well there it is. R/R plz!


	6. My Note

Hey everyone! Like the story so far? I hope ya do. Sry I have not been writing, I have been going through alot...I kinda got used by two guys and one of them im madly in love with...and I cant get over him! It hurts so much...so I almost killed myslef over it...but hey look im still here! I'll get another Chap upas soon as I can! 


	7. Not The Same

-Four Years Later-

Hands in pockets, hair blowing in the wind,the cold rain hitting my face, and blue clouds coming from my mouth everytime I breath. Walking to the RTD buss stop. Then..

Head aganist the window, I don't need to pay attention, I know which stop is mine. I've been coming down here since eighth grade, a million years ago. I remember when it used to be like an adventure: Catch the bus-the real bus, not a school bus-and ride it all the was downtown, to the coffee shop. Right by the Wishing Well, where Tourists throw change in it, and the homeless kids, the runaways..ect. Fish it out. If the weather was nice,-which it never is anymore-I'd sit on the concret benches and write or read. If it were crappy out, like as in now, I'd go to the libary, Or someplace dry; and do my things there. These days I just go to the Coffee Shop on the corner, and nures to a grande cappuccino-all I ever have during the day- for three hours. And write..or read.

Now i'm almost there...Rain down the windos in jagged silve lines. Watching people under hoods or unbralla to easpe from the rain. I look up at the sky..well what I can see of the sky...its all dark..gloomy. Colors of dark blues and black. I wish alot of the time that it was nicer out more...but ever sense I turned 13 life seems pretty much down...nothing ever to look up for. 

Fainlly my stops here. I walk off the bus. Cold air on my face. I put my hands back in my dark green hoodie. Whenever I walk in my shoes make a nosie. Giving my friend Cory a hint I have came into the store."Hola Kuki. How are we today?" He says as I sit at the booth, the one I sit at everyday. Unless its taken, if so..I just wait for them to move. "Im doing pretty good...Could I ge-" "Im already on it." He says and starts to make a grande cappuccion.

I sit sideways, and have my knees up to my chin. Im still cold from the outside weather. Cory puts down the coffee in front of me and sits across the booth. He has brown hair..that reaches his eyes...His eye color...Almost the color of stone..a very hard gray..

"How are things at home going for ya?"I cup my hands around the cappuccion for warmth. "Not as great as I wish they were...but okay I guess." I take a sip of my cappuccion, making it last; I open my poetry book, and then pick up my pen. Pondering on what I should write. Cory says im a very good writer...well the parts I've let him see anyways. He thinks I should turn in my things..share them with more people. But I rather not. I just keep it to myself.

He picks up his wash rag and get out of the booth and starts to clean around. "You want something to eat..? It might be good for ya..." He says to me, washing down the conter as if it had mud on it. Tapping my pen on my lip..looking at my blank paper..twisting word in my mind, and trying to get something out on paper that sounds right...goes together.."Nah..I'm not hungry." I can feel that he gives me a look like 'Come on, you always say that.'He says "Okay Kuki...Whatever floats your boat" Then gets back to cleaning. I look out the window, the windows are tinted blue...Its almost looking through a blue world..

For some odd reason I can't really remember anything from eighth grade down..Its all a blur..I remember going up the stairs and then falling from lack of enaery...I remember a crowed of people around me..freaking out..not know what to do..or what was wrong with me...then this blond boy...took me to the nures office..I think he knew what was wrong and was angry with me..Then I also remember hating food...Throwing it up..or just not eating it. I went to the hospital 2 times for it...After that My Mom and Dad broke up and me and mom moved on the other side of downtown. But if I remember right my life was really good untill they broke up. The only thing that sucked was my weight...

"Hey you're gonna miss your buss Kuki!"I havent writen anything down that whole time...where was I? In wonder land? And oh shit, he's right so: I scramble for my books and poetry book. The last bus home is already chugging at the stop as I sprint."Wait! Wait!" I tumble into a set, out of breath...I look up and see the bus driver glare at me as he shuts the door..But im to tired to care... 


End file.
